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Orcas, Lost Submarines and Laughter at the End of the World
A tourist submarine went missing near the wreckage of the Titanic. It’s horrible. It’s funny. Here’s why.
I’m going to start this piece by confessing something: I have an actual, deep fear of being attacked by an orca.
It’s a specific fear, I admit! It’s also unlikely to ever happen; the orcas stick to the sea, and I to the land, as God intended. Still, about ten years ago, I read an article about Tilikum, the orca who killed three people at SeaWorld, including his trainer Dawn Brancheau. I made the mistake of learning more about Brancheau’s injuries (you can click this link to do the same; I wouldn’t recommend it) and there you go: I’m scared of orcas now.
So this, the summer of orca wars, has been tough on me. Orcas are smart creatures, and they seem to have figured out that humans pose a threat, and so they are coordinating to attack and rip the rudders from ships. It’s one of my worst fears, and everyone finds it hilarious. Everywhere I go, people are laughing and joking and making puns about “orca-nizing,” all while sharing videos of orcas chasing boats — real faces-of-death shit — to confirm that your boat, no matter how fast it is, will never be faster than an orca.
