The “Male Loneliness Epidemic” Does Not Exist

The media panic around “male loneliness” is driven by cherry-picked statistics and sexism. Now, that’s sad.

Jude Ellison S. Doyle

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A man, standing in a dark room, staring out the window, alone. He’s probably fine.
What every man ages 18–29 does when he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

My partner is my best friend. This is because I am terrible at making friends, and I admit it. I tend to have two intimacy settings — either “you are my best friend and I will literally love you for the rest of my life and then die for you” or “excuse me, sir, can you point the way to the restroom?” — and I never learned how to navigate that middle range where most friendships reside. I have a small child, so it’s hard to make time for people. I’m trans in a place where there aren’t many trans folks. I’m, like, really annoying.

It adds up, and so my partner is the only person I can talk to without freezing up or missing some crucial social cue or worrying that I sound like a dick. This is a stereotypically masculine problem, and it’s not healthy. People are happier when they have a broad support network. Relationships are easier when nobody has to shoulder the weight of being someone’s only connection to humanity. Nonetheless, we’re told, men refuse to cultivate platonic intimacy and dump everything on their partners. Men like me.

This is all to say: There are certainly things I can appreciate about all the recent coverage of the “male…

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Jude Ellison S. Doyle

Author of “Trainwreck” (Melville House, ‘16) and “Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers” (Melville House, ‘19). Columns published far and wide across the Internet.