Wait, How Does LL Cool J Survive “Halloween: H20?”

A seasonal inquiry.

Jude Ellison S. Doyle

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A pumpkin carved with the face of Michael Myers.
There are no stock photo pumpkins of LL Cool J. Photo by norbert velescu on Unsplash

Sometimes, as a journalist, you get a chance to cover a story that really matters. Whether by luck or chance or sheer hard work, you get your hands on a truth the public needs to know, and you follow it until you can bring back treasure. You serve the public, you educate people, you advocate for the underprivileged — sometimes. Other times, you take half a weed gummy so you can go to sleep and wake up to find this in your inbox.

SUBJ LINE: Medium Post: how does LL Cool J surviveHalloween H20? From: Me, to: Me, time stamp: 11:10 PM

More important stories exist, but I’m not the right person to cover them, so I’m going to go ahead and answer Sleep Me’s question.

For those unfamiliar: LL Cool J is in Halloween: H20, the supposedly final (it was not final) installment of the Halloween franchise, which came out in 1998. In Halloween: H20, LL Cool J plays security guard Ronald “Ronny” Jones, a campus security guard and aspiring romance novelist. He spends much of his screen time on the phone, reading erotic passages of his own work aloud to his never-seen and disapproving wife. It’s uncomfortable.

Halloween: H20 is not the strongest installment of the Halloween franchise. Let’s continue.

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